The End.

People heal in many ways. Some exercise. Some break things. I write. I write every emotion that is going on in my mind to get it out of my head. Whether it be good or bad. I want it out. This way, I can go back and reflect on it. Reflect on the good. Reflect on the bad.
Prior to starting this class, a major turning point in my life occurred on December 31, 2009. I had just broken up with my abusive boyfriend, and was learning how to deal. How to deal with being single after a 4 year rollercoaster of emotions. How to deal with the emotions that he left behind like dust in the rearview mirror. How to deal with finding myself again, and thats what this class has done. Creative writing has made me realize who I am again after losing who I was. It brought me back to reality. Back to what was real. Back to what really mattered, and that was focusing on myself and my goals and my happiness. No one else's. It is hard to say goodbye because I have gotten attached to this class and many of the people in it. But, I know that it is the beginning of a new chapter for me.
My biggest challenge will be to continue to write when I dont have to anymore. To continue to write down every thought and continue healing when it is not assigned.
Thank you Potvin, for your class has helped me find myself.

My nemesis.

My nemesis is my anxiety. Ira Glass talked about deadlines, and to get through slumps, you have to continue writing in order to get through that slump. Procrastination fuels my anxiety. I put things off until the last minute. If I have something due in class on Monday, I'll do it Sunday night. I feel as if I work better under pressure. For me it works, but it is not for everybody. If I had to give a visual to my nemesis, it would be a little, sweaty creature because anxiety makes you anxious. Part of anxiety is nervousness. Being nervous makes you sweat. This creature is little because he is part of me everyday, but likes to come out at the most inconvenient times. Therefore, I know when he is there. He make his presence known. Ira Glass talked about growing as a writer, and reflecting on past pieces. At some point in my life, I would like to "outgrow" my anxiety- get it under better control.
I liked how Ira talked about how you have to deal with the crap in life to realize when you have something special. This really stuck with me and is very true in my life. In order to appreciate things, you have to go through the crappy parts. If there were no crappy parts, as humans, we would be numb. We wouldn't appreciate the special parts to its fullest. With this being said, if I didn't have my anxiety, I wouldnt be able to appreciate my life when my anxiety is on a lower level than usual.

Ira Glass

I like how he said that failure is part of becoming successful because when a lot of people fail, they get down on themselves. But, failure is really just a part of life. It's what you DO with that failure that matters. You either do it right the next time and learn from it, or you fail again. Also when he said that if you get in a slump, it's okay, but to push yourself to keep writing because the only way that you can get out of the slump is to continue writing. Sometimes, I get writer's block, or I'll have something due and I really can't focus on it until the night before it is due. Procrastination and myself are best friends. I work better under pressure, and Ira said to give yourself deadlines. Once a week or month, have something due and make it your priority to get it done, regardless if it's right away or at the last minute, the important thing is that you accomplished it and are then one step closer to success.
People do grow as writers and it is fun to look back at articles or stories you wrote, and think "Man, what was I thinking?" as Ira did on his article from 8 years ago. People grow not only in life, but in their writing abilities.

Open Mic Night

I liked the open mic night a lot more than I thought I would. I was not as nervous as I thought I would be either because I felt much support from the group and that we were all in it together. I would not recommend having it at the UC again because some kids were very distracting and rude. I dont think we should set a time limit next year either, instead say something like "reasonable" and not necessarily 3 minutes. Also, we should try and get other english classes involved next year as well. Maybe talk to their professors and give them extra credit if they attend. Everybody loves extra credit :)

Killing Yourself To Live- Final impression

Well, I like the title, I think it suits the book as far as what his "job" is in the book, however I did feel like the book was more about him and his life than necessarily about rock stars and theirs. Yes, he did talk about the rock stars and how they died and about going to their "death spots" but I felt as if he talked more about his life along the way than any of the rockstars. Compared to other texts I have had to read for other classes, I liked it. I would recommend this book because it is a fast, easy read, and let's all be honest that's what every college student wants in a writing class.
As for Chuck's improvement, I would include more about the rock star's lives and not necessarily his love triangles, or quadruplets.
There should, however, be a disclaimer on the first page that Chuck is very into himself.
I could see this book being used in a history of rock and roll class and maybe not a creative writing class.
I did like his stream of consciousness and how all of our thoughts seem to blend into another and they are all somewhat interrelated.
The last part did make me smile though because Lucy didnt think that he should even attempt to write this book and there I was reading her say to him that it was going to be a doozey and he wrote it anyway, so that gave me inspiration that you shouldnt listen to what everyone else says about your dreams and just do them instead.
Overall, on a scale of one to ten, I would give it a 7.

Killing Yourself To Live

I must say, I didnt care for this part of the book too much. I did like the fleetwood mac reference and the part about how American pie is played on the radio practically everyday. The Slow Ride Vs. Free Ride part intrigued me only because my cousin was born to the Slow Ride song in the hospital. I did kind of feel bad for him when he finally said good bye to Lenore, it made me reflect on my life as well, and how I will never have to see my ex again, but my experience was much different, this thougth made me happy, I'ms ure Chuck's saddened him. I didnt get a real feel that he was too close with his family, some families are like that; they only see each other when someone comes into town or the usual holidays, but mine isnt like that, we're very close and its very rare that we go months without seeing each other. Well, now I am off to read the end, hopefully it will end with a bang!

What's been happening

Well, let's see. Over spring break, my best friend moved to Florida for a couple months to visit her mom so I've been dealing with her being gone, so I've been keeping myself busy. This past weekend, my cousin and I had a girls night/movie night. That was fun. Saturday night, I hung out with my friend Ashley and we didnt go to bed until like 5 a.m., so yesterday I slept all of my day away which was bad because I had an economics exam that I needed to study for, which I took today. I think I did pretty well considering how much I didnt study. I really need to get on my psyche class though, I've been slacking in there because I aced the last psyche class that I had, but I do need to put more effort into this psyche class because her exams are a bit harder. Accounting is going pretty well, we have an exam in there a week from Wednesday. I'm not working as much which is a good thing considerign my school load.
For my psyche class we have to do four experiments in order to pass the class, I went to one today and the other participant didn't show up so I got credit for basically showing up, which is amazing.
My mom's surprise birthday party is this coming up weekend, so I just want it to get here so I can stop being on edge about it.
Other than that, it's just been school and work and hanging out with Kristopher. I was actually very excited to write the paper for this class about a song, it was very good therapy for me.
Tomorrow we are supposed to have our first SNT meeting for my National Society of Leadership & Success group. I hope it goes well and that everyone shows up. There was some miscommunication about last weeks.
Today is my aunt's birthday, we had a party for her this past weekend, not a lot of people showed, but that's alright.
I really wish I was rollerblading right now instead of sitting behind this computer, but what can I do?
I need to figure out which summer class I'm going to take considering registration starts in a couple of weeks. I know which one I'm going to take, I just dont know which time I want to do.. if I want MAKE myself a morning person and have class from 8:20 until 11:10 a.m. or waste some of my summer nights by taking a 6:10-9:00 p.m. class. This decision is quite crucial, even though it may not seem that way to others.
I just had my first coney dog from A&W, that was pretty good and I got cheese curds, but surprisingly there was not a good amount of cheese inside of them. That was disappointing.
Oh well, that's all for now.

Post Secret

Okay, so first off, I just want to point out that in the All American Reject's music video, they just had people holding up signs with their "secrets" and I'm pretty sure they got some of them from here. Postsecret kind of made me sad, just because of the secrets that were posted, they were all very pessimistic and sad. Like one was "I have no one to talk to my problems about and that makes me sadder than my problem itself." I dont know, I'm a very empathetic person so I basically soak up these people's emotions like a sponge and feel what theyre feeling at that time and it just saddens me that people feel like this and they can't tell anyone, instead they post it on a website. I mean, I get it, that's the point of it, but I just feel bad that some people really do feel like they don't have anyone, and it makes me feel grateful for the people that I do have in my life. On the other hand, some of them did make me laugh. One was "my boyfriend gave ME up for lent." I felt kind of bad after, but one of them had to make me laugh after the rest made me want to cry! Okay, that's my take on it :).

Guardian Angel

I look outside the window
and wave good-bye
he hates to see me go,
but I just can't stay tonight

He writes me letters
and tells me he's gone away
to where this place is
he will not say

What he does say,
I cannot read a loud
the sting of his words paralyze my mouth

I will write them for you to read now
Whatever you may wish,
in your mind
or out loud

He says his time has come
and he cannot stay,
but I was the one
he will come back and save

Haikus

For class this week, we had to bring in some poems that we liked and also write one of my own. I thought this would be a very hard task for me, but fortunately the poem flowed right out.
http://www.poetryfoundation.org/archive/poem.html?id=26905
I brought in the poem Forgetfulness by Billy Collins because I could really relate to the poem. I may change to the poem I wrote how it is structured to add emphasis on it. We also got our folktales back which I decided that I am totally going to scratch mine and just start over from a completely new point of view, and add different details. This Monday wasnt as bad as last Monday, thank God, but I still have a busy week ahead of me. Well, thats all for now :)
Here are my haikus

The Sun

The sun has fallen
Over the brightly lit sky
We danced all night

The Trees

The trees blossom late
The flowers wait patiently
Until the day breaks

The Birds

I can hear them call
Right before the branches shake
From the birds great fall

Poems

I found some new authors that I am warming up to. The first one is Billy Collins. I chose 2 of his poems. One is titled "Snow Day" and it captures what a kid is thinking when they get the terrific news that they dont have school. The second is called "Forgetfullness" and describes how forgetful we are and how this happens, and he goes into subjects from the planets to the name of a long lost friend. The next author I chose was Tony Hoagland. I chose his poem "Lucky" because it shows how the bond between a mother and child can never be broken and how her child is taking care of her when she is old and cant take care of herself anymore, its the whole circle of life. Lastly, my favorite poem, was called "Candles" by Carl Dennis because it involves fate and destiny and tells a story about how different this girl's life would have been if these certain events hadnt occurred in her life. Very deep and creative I thought. That is all :)

What inspires me..

This woman inspires me to no end. She is my mother, and my life. Everything I do is because of her and for her. She sacrificed so much for me. She had me very young and raised me on my own since my father did not know how to accept responsibility. She is the reason I push myself so hard and make myself achieve my goals, failure is not an option. I live to make her proud, and to know that I am forever grateful for her unselfishness and the life that she gave up to raise me. When everyone else was out partying in their twenties, she was at home, watching Barney with me. She had to make several sacrifices and be extremely strong and know that God would help us make it through anything, even when we thought we wouldnt. I love her more than words could say and would not know what I would do without her. She is my guidance, role model, and best friend.

T.G.I.F.

Well, its safe enough to say that I am glad this week is over with. I had many obstacles that got in my way, and had to overcome. They were minor, but still annoying. Like the other day I had to take these molecule structures to my bio class and they were due THAT DAY. I get all the way to school, as in sitting in a parking spot which is very rare at 11:30, and had to go all the way back home because I forgot the stupid molecules, making miss most of my class. The day prior to that I had to get my phone number changed because my psycho ex boyfriend wouldnt leave me alone. Then, my comic relief wednesdays was interrupted by Obama's speech. Needless to say, it's not his fault, but it was still irritating. So with all of this drama in the past, I am ready for the weekend and preparing for a much needed girl's night tomorrow. One of my friend's boyfriends just broke up with her so we are going to dance off the tears :)

Correction to my folktale.

I forgot to say that the original "Why Does Chase Cats" folktale was written in a third person omniscient view. When I created mine, I tried to do it from Cat's point of view, but I'm not sure if I succeeded. Let me know guys :)

Why Dogs Chase Cats

Once upon a time, in a far away field, a dog and a cat met. They had been told many times by their parents that dogs and cats just weren’t made for each other, and they ought to not fall in love. This only made that happen faster, and before they knew they were seeing each other multiple times a day; Playing in the fields, chasing other animals, holding long conversations beneath trees. They would trade off back and forth. One night she would sneak off to his backyard and the next she would sneak him up into hers. Everything was going great. They loved spending time with each other. It may not have looked like they had a lot in common, but they did, and they didn’t care what the other animals thought.
Before they knew it, they had been dating a year and it was time to get a place of their own. In the first year of their relationship, they had dined out a lot, with getting to know each other and all. Dog had mentioned once that he would only marry his wife if she could cook really well. Cat hadn’t cooked a day in her life considering they had a maid to do that and was terrified that if she told Dog this new information he would leave her and she would forever be alone, never finding a love like theirs again. She lied through her whiskers and said that she could cook a mean steak and that he was not to worry one bit.
The day finally came when they moved in and Dog said, “Okay, Cat, I’m ready for that steak now.” The only thought that Cat had was that she had to make up something and quick, so her instant reaction was to fall to the floor and pretend like she had fainted. She did so, and he bought it. He pushed her over to the couch and told her not to worry about dinner, that he would take care of it and that she should just focus on getting better. She continued this phase for a while, and Dog didn’t seem to have a problem with it. He would go to work in the morning, come home at night, cook a nice meal and then they would spend time together. Dog had never talked negatively of this routine, so Cat started to get used to it, and figured that she would never have to learn how to cook. On the other hand, Dog was getting extremely frustrated by Cat’s actions. He paid the bills for her, put a roof over his head. He thought the least she could do was make him a nice meal after a long day’s work.
Cat repeatedly told him that she didn’t feel good or she was too tired, so one day Dog got sick of it. He faked Cat out and hid in the cupboard instead of going to work . The whole day he watched her play around the house and have a good time until about a quarter to five, when she would put on her “sick” face, anticipating his arrival. To fake her out even more, he ran to his neighbor’s house, called her and said that he wouldn’t be home until six and not to worry. Cat was enlightened by this because it meant that she could play some more before he got home. He slipped back in through the doggy door and took back his hiding spot in the cupboard. Fifteen minutes later, just as Cat was dancing into the kitchen, he popped out of the cupboard at her. She jumped fifteen feet and didn’t know what to think.
“Ha! I got you!” He said. “You’re nothing but a faker! Now you have energy to dance around the house and play, so why can’t you cook me a nice meal when I get home?” “Oh, Dog, I didn’t want you to find out this way, but I guess it’s now a time better than never,” she said looking at him through her tears. “I can’t cook, I’ve never been able to. I didn’t want to tell you because I didn’t think you would marry me otherwise.” Dog sat there and thought for a minute, then he started to chase Cat. But, it wasn’t an angry chase like she thought, it was a love chase because he wanted to hug her and hold her in his arms. Ever since then dogs have chased cats, not because they don’t like them, but just the opposite.

My Favorite Folktale

Okay, it may seem cheesy, but Cinderella is my favorite folktale. What girl doesnt want the fairy tale prince to come running after her? I would watch this movie over and over when I was younger and my favorite part was when the the birds were putting together her dress. Every little girl wants the gentlemen that comes from a good family and that can financially support her. It's basically what were taught when were younger- to find a man that can love and support us, and of course be super cute. It's embedded in us and Cinderella really makes it come out. Even though her family isn't the most stable, the message of it is still the same.

January 11, 2010

They call my Holly, but I like nicknames. I'm currently in my english class right now, about to get out. Very excited to go home and relax after a long day. First day of the semester is always the best, syllabus day. Where you sit on the first day of class is crucial I'm convinced, it basically determines your whole semester.